Debate Quick Hits II

More help for Saturday Night Live debate skits...

* SNL Kerry idea: "Thank you for the question. Homosexuality and gay marriage are real issues for America. I was speaking with Dick Cheney's daughter before tonight's debate, out backstage. And she said that she supports her dad and President Bush, even though she disagrees with the party platform. I understand that. As President, I would embrace our differences. I then told her, that I've often fantasized about having a 3-way with Teresa and another woman. I told her that I have a plan, and it's a gooooood plan."

* SNL Bush idea: "My opponent is for a government takeover of health care. With our troops out fighting for freedom, where is my opponent going to find the troops to invade hospitals and clinics? You see that's a bait and switch. Most of our troops have no medical training whatsoever. If tanks and planes bombed our hospitals and clinics, there would be a shortage in medical professionals and that would lead to rationing and poor health care. I think that's just a fundamental difference of opinion between me and my opponent."

* SNL Bush idea: "My opponent says he wants to raise taxes on the rich. That's not leadership. That would hurt small businesses. I have a successful small business, I made $84 last year in my timber company. But this year, my office is receiving lots of faxes for orders of timber for rebuilding Iraq. Dick says his friends at Halliburton will be ordering more wood, too. Jeb says Florida needs some wood, so I might need some help from Tony Blair down at the ranch. He told me he knows how to use a chainsaw. That's leadership. Raising taxes on small timber companies isn't going to create jobs."

* SNL Kerry idea: "Fellow Americans, this administration is misrepresenting my tax plan. Let me be clear on my plan. I'm going to ask those who can afford it, to pitch in and help out. Those making over $200,000 are going to be asked to help. In addition, those who have a job and work for a living, and those who are retired and receive a pension income will also be asked to help. Kids who receive a weekly allowance will also be called to pitch in. If you run a lemonade stand during the summer, you're going to be asked to make a contribution. High school students running a car wash to raise money for a school program will be required to chip in. If you return aluminum cans or plastic bottles to a recycling facility, we're coming after that income. If you received any money from a Fantasy Football league, you had better declare it on your tax return form once I'm president."